Years ago, a coworker did this crazy diet -- he consumed nothing but lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne pepper and water for ten days. It looked miserable during the ten days, but he kept saying how he felt really good. He lost a pretty significant amount of weight, and then switched to a vegetarian diet, and is still thin today.
I was intrigued, so I researched it. Called the Master Cleanse, it is intended to remove toxins from the body and give the digestive system a rest so it can get rejuvenated and ready to go again. Toxins end up in our system from fast food, processed food, chemicals in the water, etc. Now, I don't subscribe to any of the conspiracy theories about the government trying to poison us, but I do know that a lot of the chemicals used in foods to brighten up the color or enhance the flavor haven't been around long enough to *really* know what they can do to us long-term. I really don't want to use my body as a part of that experiment, so I thought I'd give it the old college try.
I made my first attempt a couple of years ago. I tried out the concoction, and it actually tastes pretty good, and does a decent job of keeping the hunger pangs to a minimum. However, I derailed at day three when french fries were consumed in my presence. I love carbs, and I just didn't have the willpower to resist those fries. And then I moved. And then I got married. And then I got pregnant. And then I miscarried. And then I got pregnant again. And then I was pumping. Some of those were probably excuses, but several were legitmate reasons not to do, in effect, a starvation diet. So I held off. And then I did it in April. I finished all ten days of the diet with no cheating or anything. I had two really tough days in there (day four and day eight), but otherwise it was just the boredom of the same thing every day that was more of a factor than the craving of any food in particular.
I lost 9.5 pounds on the cleanse, and really felt pretty good -- energized and ready to take on the world again. When I returned to eating regular food, I have been following the diet I did while pregnant with gestational diabetes (but with occasional alcohol). Mostly, that entails eating more salad and fewer/better carbs. And I eschew most fast food (I love the word eschew, but now I want a cashew). I certainly expected my weight to go up as I added calories and solid food back into my, but it hasn't gone up much. At a week out from finishing the cleanse, I appear to have stabilized at about a 6-7 pound loss. Add to that some exercise, and I should be in good shape. My goal was drop a few pounds to reduce my likelihood for developing gestational diabetes if we get pregnant again.
So, when my period was late, I didn't give it a second thought. I figured I was essentially on a starvation diet for 10 days, and that's bound to mess up a woman's cycle. As I ate more normally again, my body would naturally start doing those things it does. And then, last night, I realized I'm now 8 days late. Like a good woman of childbearing age planning to start trying to get pregnant again this summer, I had some tests on hand. So I took one this morning -- fully expecting a negative result. Surely I'm just late because of the diet.
And then there was that faint second line. And now I feel awful. I was doing this diet right when I would have ovulated, and that's not a great start for a baby. Praying hard today that everything is okay.
Showing posts with label figuring out how to walk the walk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label figuring out how to walk the walk. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 01, 2013
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Dealing with Uncle Z
So, my brother-in-law is driving me crazy. We call him Uncle Z, and he's RB's only brother. Sigh.
A little background. When RB and I started dating again (that's another story for another day), things were fun and carefree between us. RB was living in Dallas and I was living in Austin, so one of us would make the trek, and we would enjoy an immensely fun weekend of lazing by the pool, eating great food, and watching movies. When we'd been dating for about 4 months, I went to Dallas for RB's birthday. The sixth Harry Potter movie was coming out that weekend, so I went up on Thursday, and both took Friday off to celebrate with a long weekend. We went out for sushi, and were ecstatic to go to bed late and know that we could sleep in like slackers playing hooky. Instead, we got a call at 6:30am from an old girlfriend of Uncle Z that he had shot himself and was at the big trauma hospital in Houston. Uncle Z posted his suicide note on Facebook for the world to see (do you know that it's impossible to get anything changed on someone else's Facebook page if you don't have their password?), so there was lots of conjecture and rumors going everywhere. Regardless of the lack of speaking, RB was obviously upset. The hospital had no record of Uncle Z coming in, their mom was heading down there, and the police wanted to talk to someone and turn over the gun to someone in the family for safe-keeping. So, he headed to Houston, eventually found his brother, was there for a week and every weekend for 3 months after that. He paid his brother's bills (including a mortgage that was 4 months behind), spent a ton of time with him and their mother, and worked with several friends to clean up the blood at the house and to fill in the holes in the walls/ceiling (he fired at least 3 rounds). Once Uncle Z was released from the hospital, he went to live with his mom, and has lived there for about 3 years now.
So, Uncle Z has some depression issues, and he's generally not a very nice person (part of why the brothers had stopped speaking years before). He's aggressive, mopey, completely unappreciative of anything anyone does for him while simultaneously being pissed when he doesn't feel like his gestures are appreciated enough (which they never are). He's miserable, and expects everyone to make every effort to make his life better. He's had 2 contract jobs since the attempt -- he ruined the first by using copyrighted material in a website that got the merchant sued and is currently ruining the second by being massively over budget and behind on every deadline since the first week. He hates his mother, so at least once a week, RB is playing mediator between the two of them (sometimes I take on the role of calming down the mom while RB takes on Uncle Z -- it's draining). At least once a month, Uncle Z can't handle his mother anymore and comes and stays with us for a week (that's my limit -- I don't care what kind of awful person that makes me, I WILL NOT have that man living with us -- he can be homeless, as far as I'm concerned). When he visits he brings his ornery dog, a rat terrier that loves to growl and snap at Caleb. So he gets to be locked up in his kennel or be outside when they come. Cause, well, this is Caleb's house, and he's not going to be pushed out by any visitors' dog.
The thing that has me worked up right now, though, is that he is now bailing on coming to our crawfish boil this weekend (we're having a crawfish boil this weekend! Woohoo!), because his mother is staying with us Friday to Sunday, and my parents are staying with us Sunday through Tuesday, so we don't have anywhere for him to stay with us. We told him this at least a month ago, and he's got friends in Austin (that are also coming to the boil, so we know they're in town), but rather than calling them and asking if he can crash there, he's now saying we didn't really want him to come, so he's throwing a 40-year-old man tantrum. That's the best way I have to describe it. Every time my family comes to town, I have to make them stay in a hotel, because Uncle Z and my mother-in-law can't figure out how to do that. I refused to do that this time. I gave everyone ample time to figure it out (heck, Houston isn't even that far -- he could drive in Sunday morning and drive back that evening -- it's only 2-2.5 hours!), so I hate being made out to be the bad guy just because he's wanting to be a small child. He comes by this behaviour naturally. Their dad hasn't been in our lives because he doesn't feel that RB really "meant" the invitation to the wedding, so he's been pitching a fit ever since. Has never met his only grandchild, though we've invited him to the Bris and the baptism, and we send him pictures. I guess the apple (Uncle Z) doesn't fall far from the tree (father-in-law).
Oh geez. This was quite the rant. All this to say, it's very tiring, though there's a tiny part of me that's happy I may not have to deal with him this weekend (but only tiny, because he will make us pay for us making him feel "unwelcome"). I know you don't marry a person, you marry their family. And believe me, this family gave me pause. But we will get through this, too. RB is so incredibly patient with his brother. I've been studying the book of James with my women's Bible study group, and I keep being reminded of James 1:2-4:
A little background. When RB and I started dating again (that's another story for another day), things were fun and carefree between us. RB was living in Dallas and I was living in Austin, so one of us would make the trek, and we would enjoy an immensely fun weekend of lazing by the pool, eating great food, and watching movies. When we'd been dating for about 4 months, I went to Dallas for RB's birthday. The sixth Harry Potter movie was coming out that weekend, so I went up on Thursday, and both took Friday off to celebrate with a long weekend. We went out for sushi, and were ecstatic to go to bed late and know that we could sleep in like slackers playing hooky. Instead, we got a call at 6:30am from an old girlfriend of Uncle Z that he had shot himself and was at the big trauma hospital in Houston. Uncle Z posted his suicide note on Facebook for the world to see (do you know that it's impossible to get anything changed on someone else's Facebook page if you don't have their password?), so there was lots of conjecture and rumors going everywhere. Regardless of the lack of speaking, RB was obviously upset. The hospital had no record of Uncle Z coming in, their mom was heading down there, and the police wanted to talk to someone and turn over the gun to someone in the family for safe-keeping. So, he headed to Houston, eventually found his brother, was there for a week and every weekend for 3 months after that. He paid his brother's bills (including a mortgage that was 4 months behind), spent a ton of time with him and their mother, and worked with several friends to clean up the blood at the house and to fill in the holes in the walls/ceiling (he fired at least 3 rounds). Once Uncle Z was released from the hospital, he went to live with his mom, and has lived there for about 3 years now.
So, Uncle Z has some depression issues, and he's generally not a very nice person (part of why the brothers had stopped speaking years before). He's aggressive, mopey, completely unappreciative of anything anyone does for him while simultaneously being pissed when he doesn't feel like his gestures are appreciated enough (which they never are). He's miserable, and expects everyone to make every effort to make his life better. He's had 2 contract jobs since the attempt -- he ruined the first by using copyrighted material in a website that got the merchant sued and is currently ruining the second by being massively over budget and behind on every deadline since the first week. He hates his mother, so at least once a week, RB is playing mediator between the two of them (sometimes I take on the role of calming down the mom while RB takes on Uncle Z -- it's draining). At least once a month, Uncle Z can't handle his mother anymore and comes and stays with us for a week (that's my limit -- I don't care what kind of awful person that makes me, I WILL NOT have that man living with us -- he can be homeless, as far as I'm concerned). When he visits he brings his ornery dog, a rat terrier that loves to growl and snap at Caleb. So he gets to be locked up in his kennel or be outside when they come. Cause, well, this is Caleb's house, and he's not going to be pushed out by any visitors' dog.
The thing that has me worked up right now, though, is that he is now bailing on coming to our crawfish boil this weekend (we're having a crawfish boil this weekend! Woohoo!), because his mother is staying with us Friday to Sunday, and my parents are staying with us Sunday through Tuesday, so we don't have anywhere for him to stay with us. We told him this at least a month ago, and he's got friends in Austin (that are also coming to the boil, so we know they're in town), but rather than calling them and asking if he can crash there, he's now saying we didn't really want him to come, so he's throwing a 40-year-old man tantrum. That's the best way I have to describe it. Every time my family comes to town, I have to make them stay in a hotel, because Uncle Z and my mother-in-law can't figure out how to do that. I refused to do that this time. I gave everyone ample time to figure it out (heck, Houston isn't even that far -- he could drive in Sunday morning and drive back that evening -- it's only 2-2.5 hours!), so I hate being made out to be the bad guy just because he's wanting to be a small child. He comes by this behaviour naturally. Their dad hasn't been in our lives because he doesn't feel that RB really "meant" the invitation to the wedding, so he's been pitching a fit ever since. Has never met his only grandchild, though we've invited him to the Bris and the baptism, and we send him pictures. I guess the apple (Uncle Z) doesn't fall far from the tree (father-in-law).
Oh geez. This was quite the rant. All this to say, it's very tiring, though there's a tiny part of me that's happy I may not have to deal with him this weekend (but only tiny, because he will make us pay for us making him feel "unwelcome"). I know you don't marry a person, you marry their family. And believe me, this family gave me pause. But we will get through this, too. RB is so incredibly patient with his brother. I've been studying the book of James with my women's Bible study group, and I keep being reminded of James 1:2-4:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.I know we're being readied for a strong-willed teenaged (or earlier) Caleb or some other patience-trying fun. The "completing" process, though, is really no fun and is never complete. I want to get to that not-lacking-anything place, but I'm not sure that I can survive the refining process. And I'm having trouble finding the joy in this trial.
Thursday, December 06, 2012
Responding Responsively
Continuing in my Online Bible Study on the book "Greater", this week we are looking at the life of Elisha. Not Elijah, the one everyone knows, but Elisha, his successor. I knew he was a prophet, and I knew he watched Elijah being taken up to heaven in a chariot, but beyond that, I really didn't remember much of anything about him. In reading about Elisha's calling, there were several other stories that came to mind. Let's start with this passage from 1 Kings about God calling Elisha through Elijah:
Check out this passage, from Matthew, about the calling of Simon Peter and Andrew to be Jesus' disciples:
Then, I was thinking about the night that God called to Samuel, which he mistook for voice of the priest, Eli. Was he speedy about his response, too?
We were given three topics to choose from for the BlogHop for this OBS. I'll tell you, I was planning to write about a time I heard God's voice and how I knew it was Him and what I did in response. However, as I started writing, I kept coming back to this topic about responding at once. Do you think that's God's voice trying to tell me something? I think I better get ready to jump!
"Elijah passed by him and cast his cloak upon him. And he left the oxen and ran after Elijah." (1 Kings 19:19b-20a)First, I'm wondering if I were Elisha, would I know what that cloak being thrown on me meant? Or would I slink out of it thinking, "Ew. I hope that dude doesn't have lice!" and go back to those plowing oxen. However, I'm forced to notice that whole thing about Elisha running after Elijah.
Check out this passage, from Matthew, about the calling of Simon Peter and Andrew to be Jesus' disciples:
"Immediately they left their nets and followed him." (Matthew 4:20)There's a speed word there, too -- "immediately." Not once they were done fishing for the day, not after they'd cleaned and sold the fish they were in the process of catching, not this weekend. Immediately.
Then, I was thinking about the night that God called to Samuel, which he mistook for voice of the priest, Eli. Was he speedy about his response, too?
"Then the Lord called Samuel, and he said, 'Here I am!' and ran to Eli." (1 Samuel 3:4-5a)There's that word "ran" again -- all these people running to the call of God. And then, of course, there's what happens when God's call isn't heeded:
"Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, 'Arise, go to Nineveh...'. But Jonah rose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord." (Jonah 1:1-2a,3a)He went fast, just in the wrong direction. I feel sad about the amount of time I've spent in my life going the wrong direction. Sometimes, that's because I didn't understand what I needed to do, but sometimes I was just like Jonah and willfully disobedient. It may have taken a while, but I think I'm back on a path closer to what God wants for me. I still have some course correction needed, but at least I don't think I need a 180 anymore. I still need some help discerning what a cloak being thrown on me might mean, but I'm becoming more open to not just dropping it to the ground.
We were given three topics to choose from for the BlogHop for this OBS. I'll tell you, I was planning to write about a time I heard God's voice and how I knew it was Him and what I did in response. However, as I started writing, I kept coming back to this topic about responding at once. Do you think that's God's voice trying to tell me something? I think I better get ready to jump!
Wednesday, December 05, 2012
It's Time for Greater
I have launched into my first online Bible study after reading about them for a while. In this study, we're reading the book "Greater" by Steve Furtick, and each week we have assignments and discussions around the chapters of the book.
While it took me a little longer to dust off this blog and get in back in working order (there sure were a lot of comments in Chinese and Russian!), this post constitutes my assignment for last week. Today, I'm looking at what a "Greater" life for God would look like.
While I'm not precisely sure what God has in mind for me, I'm excited to push my way out of a mediocre life, and towards one that is better than what I'm living today. Life is pretty good right now, don't get me wrong, but I'm doing a lot of selfish living instead of watching for the indicators of what bigger things God has in store for me.
I have opportunities to do more each day -- as a wife, as a mother, as a friend, in my church, in my community. It might mean taking a meal to someone who's been sick or sending a card to someone who's celebrating a milestone. It means reaching out to pray intentionally for someone that I know is struggling, and letting them know that I've done so. It means pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone -- not shredding it quite yet, but pushing on those edges -- to speak about the wonderful things God has done for me. And maybe, just maybe, God will be able to show me how He wants to use me. And maybe I'll be ready to see it.
And that's pretty much what I'm learning as I read this book so far. It's not about being the next Billy Graham or Martin Luther. It's about listening a little better and doing a little more than I planned to each day -- building on small successes toward something I can't even imagine. So, here I am...starting small and putting this out there in the big, bad internet.
While it took me a little longer to dust off this blog and get in back in working order (there sure were a lot of comments in Chinese and Russian!), this post constitutes my assignment for last week. Today, I'm looking at what a "Greater" life for God would look like.
While I'm not precisely sure what God has in mind for me, I'm excited to push my way out of a mediocre life, and towards one that is better than what I'm living today. Life is pretty good right now, don't get me wrong, but I'm doing a lot of selfish living instead of watching for the indicators of what bigger things God has in store for me.
I have opportunities to do more each day -- as a wife, as a mother, as a friend, in my church, in my community. It might mean taking a meal to someone who's been sick or sending a card to someone who's celebrating a milestone. It means reaching out to pray intentionally for someone that I know is struggling, and letting them know that I've done so. It means pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone -- not shredding it quite yet, but pushing on those edges -- to speak about the wonderful things God has done for me. And maybe, just maybe, God will be able to show me how He wants to use me. And maybe I'll be ready to see it.
And that's pretty much what I'm learning as I read this book so far. It's not about being the next Billy Graham or Martin Luther. It's about listening a little better and doing a little more than I planned to each day -- building on small successes toward something I can't even imagine. So, here I am...starting small and putting this out there in the big, bad internet.
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