I have never been a shy person. I have always been able to strike up a conversation with anyone, and have never avoided a chance at a leadership role. I'm also not afraid to look like an idiot, and most people I know have a story about something stupid I've done or said.
However, I freeze up quite regularly when I sing solo in my church. Now, I've been directing the praise team at the church for the last year, and I was part of the band for about two years before that. I sing with the group and play keyboard when I'm needed to fill in. I was a bit nervous the first couple of times I sang or played with the group, but then I got past it, and I really enjoy it. But, I can't seem to get past the nervousness when I'm singing by myself. This morning, I started the song incorrectly twice before I was able to hear my starting notes. And you can always tell how badly you've done by the number of people that come up to you after the service to tell you how good the music was in the service. I did pretty badly. Once I got going, it was fine, but the beginning was rough.
It doesn't seem to matter how much I practice. Freezing up seldom seems to have anything to do with my preparedness level. Part of me feels I just need to do more solos to get passed my nervousness. And another part of me thinks I shouldn't subject people to my mess-ups anymore.
The Monk of Mokha by Dave Eggers
2 months ago