What do They Say About the Eye of the Beholder?

I have a new piece of art. It's jewelry, sort of. At least that's how I've decided to treat it. Here it is -- my new bracelet:



I know, it's a piece of bike chain. But you have to understand that it's not just any bike chain, it's the piece that caused so much fun a few weeks ago.

There's nothing like a bracelet with no opening requiring a person to slide it on and off to remind you that the right side of your body is significantly larger than the left side of your body. It's really hard to get this thing over the right hand, but on the left, I'm convinced it will slide off of its own accord. My right foot is half a shoe size larger than the left, and let's not even discuss what that means for brasierre purchasing. Regardless, do you have one side of your body that's bigger than the other? Which side is it?

My Husband and Privacy

My husband (let's call him GB), has an overdeveloped conspiracy gene. I had a boss many years ago that woud spout off these theories from way out in left field (his one about how the sniper in DC some years back was actually a mercenary of the US government planted there so they could declare a military state is one that comes to mind). I would bring these home and share them, and GB would chime in, "Well...you know, that might not be that far off."

He is a technophile, but won't pay bills online. He's convinced that there would be a breach of security and our number would be used by everyone and their dog. He freaked out when I was buying things online before he'd gotten a chance to research a company and their security methods. Every once in a while he mumbles something about a manifesto and moving to Montana and living like a hermit.

When he found out that I use my real name on my blog, he lectured me on the need for anonymity in this internet world. Because there aren't, you know, a gazillion Heathers out there in the world. But see, he knows I have a tendency to share too much. Sure I've had bad experiences (stolen credit card numbers, threatening phone calls, house eggings, car keyings, attempted break-ins), but I've had significant good experiences in life to feel optimistic about what I share on the internet. Like the time I told a church member that I would love to play French Horn in the church brass group, but I just couldn't afford to buy one, and wouldn't you know she had one sitting in her closet at home waiting for one of her boys to want it. Or the time I shared I would cook something different every day for a month and got invited to write my first feature article for an actual printed publication. Plus, I don't generally think people are out to get me, which is likely the primary difference between GB and me.

Meanwhile, last year he saw his name in a couple of early posts, and nearly went ballistic. DIDN'T I UNDERSTAND THAT HIS NAME NEXT TO MY NAME NARROWED THE FIELD OF WHO WE ARE DOWN TO A MUCH SMALLER NUMBER??? Well, yeah, but most of the people that read this set of drivel are people I know in real life. Or at least the ones that comment. And others are such regular commenters that I feel like I do know them. But, since I'm apparently supposed to be afraid of all of you if I put GB's first name on here, I decided to come up with that nickname for him. See, typing the word "husband" is exceptionally tedious and lends to very poor sentence construction around any reference to him. So, I'm done with that. He will be referred to as GB, and for those of you who know his real name, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't cause panic in our household by using his actual name in the comments.

It took me a surprisingly long time to come up with a nickname for him, considering GB is short for the most common thing I call him. Creativity has never been something I've been particularly good at. I can brainstorm with other people towards a good result, but I can't really do it on my own. I've tried and it's always a really bad attempt. GB thinks all blogs should be completely fictitious. Or at least mine should, anyway (you know, so that way I don't give out any real details). Essentially, I should make up a persona and write entries from this completely other point of view that I should inhabit as wholly as possible. And that sounds much too much like a novel or creative writing or some other thing that sounds like a pretty daunting thing to attempt. How would I keep my lies straight? I've never been good at that. On the other hand, there are topics I could feel a lot more comfortable writing about if no one I knew was reading. So maybe it's worth a try. But if I do that, don't expect me to ever link off this one to the other.

Recommended: Speak

Periodically, people recommend books that actually sound interesting. More often, people recommend books that sound perfectly hideous, and I tend to smile and nod and forget the title and author as quickly as I can. Every once in a while, though, something strikes my interest and I put the book on my list. At the beginning of the year, I took my list and ordered them all. I thought I'd tell you about some of the ones I read and what I thought of them.

Speak, by Laurie Halse Anderson, was brought to my attention by James, and sounded like an easy read, if not an easy subject. It only took a couple of pages to figure out what had happened at the party last summer. So, while the story seemed to be trying to accomplish some big surprise ending, that part of it didn't work. However, the rest of the story really gets you into our protagonist's, Melinda's, head, and that makes the whole read valuable and even enjoyable.

After the "party incident", Melinda retreats into her own mind. She loses all her friends and starts to fall way behind in school. She won't talk to anyone, not to peers, not teachers, not her family. She has no one that really sees or notices how much she's changed since last year in the "before". Her only sort-of-friend is a new girl who moved in this year. She has all new teachers. Her parents are much too self-absorbed to notice anything about her personality changes. So, she is left to her own devices, and they aren't really enough. Through some caring teachers and some well-placed graffiti, she finds that she must give voice to the secret she's carried all year, leading to a triumphant turnaround in her life.

It's an interesting read, especially since so many people are the victims of the myriad varieties of sex-based crimes. I would imagine that a lot of people would draw strength to share their own stories based on a book like this. The more stories people hear, the more likely they are to see the signs of such a sad situation for what they are. Not everyone reacts to such an experience in the way our character did here, but it's one more reaction to add to your known list of "symptoms" for the sufferer.

Interesting Movies about a Lack of Interestingness

This week, we went to a screening of Helvetica over at UCSB. My husband has an obsession with documentaries, so we've seen a lot of them. Some of them are beyond boring and some of them redeem the genre. I fully expected 80 minutes about a boring typeface to fall into the former category. And while it didn't fall into the latter category, either, I learned something, so I guess most documentaries would consider that a win.

The font ended up just being a starting point from which to examine the changes in the graphical design world over the last 50-60 years. Who knew people could get so worked up about how great or evil a font is? The whole film pitted the Helvetica-is-so-clean-there-is-no-confusing-what's-being-said folks against the Helvetica-is-so-regimented-it's-akin-to-"The Man"-keeping-you-down folks. You'd think a little conflict would make for a compelling story, but it barely made a story. At least they tried to have a plot, of sorts.

I guess there's a reason I'm not in graphic design, and I can't really recommend that you run out and watch this immediately. However, if you are interested in the design aspect of various printed materials, you could find this an enlightening little piece. I personally found this a perfect reason to dig up this old YouTube video about a different font. I found this a lot funnier, and it's certainly shorter.

Friday Random Ten

"Daddy" by Jewel on Pieces of You
"When I Get Home" by 4HIM on Face The Nation
"Cry the Name" by Rich Mullins* on Brother's Keeper
"Everything I Said" by The Cranberries on No Need To Argue
"Papa Loved Mama" by Garth Brooks on The Hits
"Fear" by Elizabeth Donihoo* on Dream
"A City on a Hill" by Patsy Moore on Regarding the Human Condition
"Say It All Again" by Wayne Watson on A Beautiful Place
"Heaven Knows" by When In Rome on When In Rome
"The Scotsman" by Brian Bowers

I can't find any kind of theme on this one, but any random ten that includes lines like these especially choice ones is okay by me:

"Papa loved Mama; Mama loved men. Now Mama's in the graveyard and Papa's in the pen'."
"I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilt."

And so, I accept this random ten, even if it's too random to come up with anything to say about it.

*Acts I've seen live.

Friday Random Ten

This week appears to be an instrumental week. Normally I would mind, but these were good instrumental things.

>"Six Days At The Bottom Of The Ocean" by Explosions in the Sky on The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place
"Twisting By The Pool" by Dire Straits on Money For Nothing
"Oh, Boy!" by Buddy Holly & The Crickets on From The Originial Master Tapes
>"Linus And Lucy" by the Vince Guaraldi Trio on A Charlie Brown Christmas
"Cuyahoga" by R.E.M. on Life's Rich Pageant
"When You Called My Name" by the Newsboys on Going Public
>"Horn Concerto No. 2 in E Flat Major" by Mozart, played by Dennis Brain on Mozart: Horn Concertos
>"78 Eastonwood Green" by Rich Mullins* on A Liturgy, A Legacy & A Ragamuffin Band
"The Icicle Melts" by The Cranberries on No Need To Argue
>"Rainbow Chaser" by Hewlett Crist on The Rio Grande Songs II

The Horn Concerto would be the sleeper of the group, except that I played that as a solo for contest one year, so I know it very well. Mozart wrote annoyingly difficult pieces for piano (almost difficult for the sake of being difficult, rather than for a particular sound), but his pieces for French Horn really highlight the strengths of that instrument. I wish I still had one of those laying around to play periodically.

* Acts I've seen live
> Instrumental entries

Jars of Clay in an Unlikely Spot

So, I admit it. I watched the pilot of "Eli Stone" that came on after "Lost" last week. Go ahead. Get in all the comments you know you want to make about me being sucked into the marketing monster.

I probably won't watch it again. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this is no earth-shattering piece of television work. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either.

The thing that makes it notable was that while I was watching it, I thought I was going crazy. Just after the opening credits, I frantically looked to see why my iTunes spontaneously started playing. See, I heard "Good Monsters" by Jars of Clay, and who'd've thunk that would be in any mainstream TV show. But there it was.

And, of course, it makes sense. A song about people struggling to do the right thing in a world that expects the other (a big law firm in this case) would fit nicely into such a song. Jars had attempted such a foray into mainstream video media before, with a song they wrote for the movie The Long Kiss Goodnight. The scene the song was for was cut, but the song was still on the soundtrack for the movie. It was nice to see they didn't get cut this time, though I don't imagine it will be long before this show is cut. Unless the writer's strike lasts and this is all they have filmed.

Non-Standard Cell Phone Uses

I know cell phones are primarily for talking to people that are somewhere else, but golly gee whillickers, they have some fancy other uses. I'm sure others of you have used them for clocks (who wears a watch anymore?) and for alarms (who travels with an alarm clock or wants to depend on the one in the hotel room?).

But do you use yours as a flashlight? I do. Every morning I get up, get dressed in the dark, so as not to disturb the sleeping husband, grab my phone off the nightstand, and step into the dark house that exists outside of the bedroom at five o'clock in the morning. It's a scary place, and I don't keep it as picked up as I should. To avoid stubbing my toe and making all manner of loud noises that would undo all the quiet dressing I did moments before, I open my phone and let the soft blue backlight lead the way to my upstairs office.

Any odd uses you put your phone to?

Running Again

I've decided I'm done being a slacker. I haven't been running or doing much else in the way of exercise for a long time, and that's just not acceptable.

Today, I just got back from my 1-minute run. I know that sounds pathetic, and it is, but hear me out. There is a certain amount of aerobic exercise that is just there to get you going and warmed up and to remind your body how to burn fat and not just the easy glucose that hangs out in the bloodstream. Most everything I've ever read says that takes about 30 minutes. That means everything before that half-hour point basically is just the stuff you do before the part of the workout that actually does you any good.

And after months of no running, I'm just glad my run today actually counted.

Friday Random Ten

I think iTunes was trying to make me feel bad about not using the random feature for a while. It served up a lot of old favorites, and seems to nearly read as a "who's who" of bands I've seen live.

"Keeping My Eyes On Him" by Geoff Moore & The Distance* on Pure And Simple
"Peace (A Communion Blessing from St. Joseph's Square)" by Rich Mullins* on A Liturgy, A Legacy & A Ragamuffin Band
"Just Around the Riverbend" from Pocahontas
"One For My Baby (And One For The Road)" by Bette Midler on Experience The Divine
"California Girls" by The Beach Boys on The Greatest Hits, Vol. 1
"He" by Jars of Clay* on Jars of Clay
"Peace To The World" by B.B. King on Live At The Apollo
"No Holly For Miss Quinn" by Enya on Shepherd Moons
"When I Was A Dinosaur" by Trout Fishing In America* on Big Trouble
"Blind Man, Deaf Boy" by PFR* on Great Lengths

It was an excessively mellow ten, but it was just right for where I was today.

Lost Speculation

Just in time for the start of Season 4 of Lost this week, I completed rewatching all of seasons 1, 2, and 3. I was looking for clues, and I think I found some interesting ones that have me onto a new theory. For example, the guy that child-Ben meets in the woods when he goes looking for his mother is Richard (the guy that gives Locke the file on Sawyer). I'm almost certain of it, though I can find no confirmation nor denial of that in the credits -- that character is entirely uncredited. Or maybe he's not, because he also appears elsewhere in that episode, so he's credited for that name. Also, I was reminded of the fact that Mikhail came back from fatal injuries twice (being pushed through the sonic wall and the speargun to the heart in the Looking Glass station).

This really got me thinking that there are people that must really be "special" people. These people are completely invincible on the island. This is why some of them actually want to stay. Richard is one of these people (no aging in the time from Ben's boyhood to adulthood -- 30ish years?), and Mikhail and Walt. John Locke is also, clearly, one of these people. Not only was he cured of his paralysis, he recovered from the shot Ben made to his chest. Those are pretty much the only ones I know for sure. Ben, however, is not special. He is aging, he got a spinal tumor, he didn't recover from that quickly, etc. He is a poser, and works very hard to keep up the facade, but he knows he isn't really one of the special people. He's even more afraid when he finds that Jacob talked to Locke -- more confirmation that Locke truly is special...and will figure out that Ben isn't, soon enough.

This also makes me think that John Locke is the man in the coffin during the flash-forward. Locke's specialness must have been revealed somewhere along the way, and Jack is now convinced that he was the only way back to the island. Of course, off the island, Locke would be without his invincibleness, and could die.

There are also a couple of unanswered questions that I have no idea how to fit into what we know. For example, in the season 3 finale with the flash-forward, Jack's dad is alive again. Does this mean time was really split before the crash event, and there's a timeline where Jack's dad didn't die in Sydney? That doesn't seem to jive with the idea that the island magnetic event caused the crash/split, which seems pretty crucial to be true. Why did the Others/Hostiles allow Ben to become their leader after the purge of the Dharma Initiative folks? Are there any of the rest of that group still around, or were they all imports that have since died? Also, it's clear that some people are "special" and some aren't. What this "special-ness" really entails is still a mystery. It's odd that Ben puts so much emphasis on having been born on the island, like that's what does it, but we can be pretty sure that 3 of the 4 "specials" weren't born on the island. Maybe the importable "specials" are very rare, and that's why they are working so hard to get on-island pregancy to work out. That's my best guess, at the moment. There are plenty more questions, but those are the big ones in my mind. What are your biggest questions? Your wackiest theories?

I'm so excited to see what transpires in the next couple of seasons. I don't have any TV reception (no antenna, no cable), so I'll be watching online the day after it airs. Please don't ruin any surprises for me, but I shouldn't be too far behind you. Happy puzzling!

Visiting Austin

Continuing with the catchup phase of my blog, we find ourselves in the middle of December, and in Austin. I keep finding an excuse to make a trip to Austin about once a quarter. This time it was to train a new person for my team. Conveniently, that coincided with the company holiday party, and my husband's food poisoning back home. I can handle most all kinds of injuries and illness, but puking puts me completely on edge, so I'm happy I missed that little adventure.

As far as the trip to Austin, I'm glad I went, and wish I hadn't, all in the same breath. I love seeing everyone, and I really feel I have to stay a while to catch as many people as I can, but it's also so tiring. Partly, I've become a wimp, but I just can't stay up until 11pm every night. I just wake up between 5 and 6 each morning, even on the weekends. So, after 10 days of 6 or 7 hours of sleep a night (and I'm strictly an 8-hour night girl!), I was really tired. Tired Heather leads to grumpy Heather and it's not pretty after that.

As much as I love working from home, I find myself needing to be in Austin periodically, just so the people I work with don't forget about me. And those are stressful visits, where I'm working, but not getting anything done for all the meetings and conversations I get pulled into. Not sure what to do with that, but it's been weighing on me. I think the unansweredness in my head is what made it hard to finish this short, little post.

Persistent or Stupid? You Decide

We have tickets to one of the local theatres here, but the night we had wasn't going to work out. So, I needed to exchange them for another night. I also really wanted to play with the handbell choir at my church here, because I just haven't played in a really long time. Neither of these errands was particularly close to the house, but my husband had to transport something large to work that day, so he had the car.

My choice was to bike to these two places, or not to go.

I hadn't been biking for a couple of weeks, so I knew it would be tough going. Also, the front derailleur on my bike was broken off in the move, and I haven't gotten around to replacing it. That reduces my 21-speed bike to a more sedate 7-speed. And you never really know what set of seven you'll get, because the chain is rather loose, so it skips around on the front set of gears. I had bought a new front derailleur, but hadn't gotten around to installing it, because the one I got wasn't fancy enough to be installed around the chain, and I didn't have a chain tool to take my chain off and then to get it back on.

All this is just to point out that my bike isn't in tip-top condition. But that's okay -- I was just heading to a couple of places, and I didn't need to go in any particular hurry, so I decided to go for it. The theatre was first on the list, just 2 miles away, and mostly downhill. The last block I turned up a hill, and

BAM!!!

The pedals stopped turning, the bike stopped abruptly, and it was all I could do to get my shoes unclipped before I fell over. I got the bike over onto a sidewalk to assess the issue. I had, somehow, ripped my rear derailleur off the bike. Sheared the bolt that holds it onto the frame. Never knew I had that much strength. I imagine my chain-with-issues got locked into some weird position, and the torque was just right as I had just started into an uphill.

My bike was completely useless. I managed to find a way to arrange the chain and derailleur so that I could still roll the bike. It's a touring bike, so it's a steel frame, and it's heavy. I don't think I could have managed if I'd had to carry it. I completed my ticket trade at the box office, and then decided I could walk my bike back up the hill to the house and skip bell practice OR I could wander over to the nearest bike shop and see if they could help me out. Well, I'd come this far.

And could they. There was a guy there that went right to work on making my bike ridable again. Yep, I'd really done a number on poor Randy. (We name all our modes of transportation. The car is named Bruno, in case you were wondering. My last car was named Hans. I know. Weird.) The guy at the shop trued up the wheel (it had gotten bent), managed to work the sheared half of the bolt out, bent the frame back in place, and set me up with a new chain and a fancy new derailleur. Well, not new, exactly, but it's a top-of-the-line used-for-one-month racing one that they sold to me for about 40% of its new value. I now have the fanciest component a crappy bike like mine has never seen the likes of.

So, there I was, an hour later with a bike as good as new. Well, there's still no front derailleur, but at least I was better off than when I left the house. It was starting to get dark, and I knew I wasn't going to make it the 10 miles to my church before I would need the bike light that I don't have. But, I'd made it this far, so I decided to go ahead and do it. I got lost twice, stopped at a gas station for Gatorade once, almost got run over...no times. It was a success, and I was ecstatic. It was fun to play handbells again, and then my husband picked me up for dinner and the ride home (since I really don't have a light on the bike).

That was the first week of December, and I haven't ridden my bike since. Even with the fancy new chain that doesn't need a tool to be disconnected, I haven't put the front derailleur on, either. Nor have I gotten a bike light....

November Food Experiment Results

I'm going to start to try to catch up on all the posting I should have been doing in the last month. Almost a month ago, one of the most amazing things to come my way actually happened. I became a published writer. Two weeks ago, I even got a check for that. Crazy, huh? I'm a physics degreed programmer with minimal creative leanings, and here I've actually gotten my words affixed to printed paper that I didn't send to my local printer. It's a little surreal, but I'd appreciate it if you click the link to see for yourself. Since I'm guessing the link will go away at some point, so, I'll reprint it below for your future review.

30 Meals, 1,000 Dishes
A Cooking Challenge of Unusual Proportion
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, December 13, 2007
By Heather Tufts

Out of boredom and the desire to challenge myself with a simple cooking experiment came the idea to test my stubborn persistence: make a unique homemade dish every day for a month. To bring this one zany idea to fruition I needed:
• 28-31 days
• 18 trips to 5 markets
• 9 cuisines from around the world
• 6 new recipes
• 1 spectacular failure
• 2 cookbooks
• salt and pepper with friends to taste
Set aside a few selected meals intended for guests, so you don’t use the prime recipes before their time. Next, head to the store to pick up the necessary items for the next few days. Wash the dishes that are sitting, dirty, in the sink, but only those that you need to make the current meal. Prepare and serve, preferably to adventurous friends who gush over your talent in the kitchen. Stare at the dirty dishes. Vow to do them all tomorrow and get the kitchen all cleaned up. Go to bed, and repeat for one month.

Some of the more notable results followed:

Szechuan Fried Fish — We all must start somewhere, and my roots are in Hong Kong and China. So, in the beginning it was good.

Pork Tenderloin — Again, I showed my roots with a garlic, ginger, and soy marinade. The tenderloin was seared before roasting just to medium. Why do so many people overcook pork?

Taco Stew — This is one of those meals where the hardest part is operating the can opener. It’s really soup, but my husband, won’t eat soup. So, when he’s around, it’s "stew."

Parmesan-Crusted Snapper — This dish was most notable for the fact that it was the most hideously awful meal I made all month. It smelled like feet and I couldn’t stomach more than a couple bites. Of course, my husband ate it anyway, including the leftovers. I guess there’s really no accounting for taste.

Lentil Chili — Since I have relatives from Texas, I would appreciate it if no one told them that I made a meatless chili (with beans, even!), and especially not that I liked it.

Balsamic Vinegar and Oil with Pasta — Two weeks in and I was hitting the backsplash. My husband generously offered to make the meal I told him to make, but only because it has less than five ingredients.

Other — I may have missed a meal in here somewhere. Let’s try not to harp on that, shall we?

Bulgogi — This is an easy meal (literally “fire meat” in Korean) to make, and a terrible one to have to clean up.

Mardi Gras Pasta — All you fusion chefs out there, eat your heart out on my Cajun-Italian entry.

Szechuan Fried Chicken — I know this may look like my entry from day one, but I promise, they are nothing alike. And I cannot tell a lie.

French Toast — With my husband out of town for work, I decided I could break the rules and eat breakfast for dinner.

Hoi Sin Chilean Sea Bass — This must’ve turned out well. Two weeks later, my dad is still talking about how good it was. I was just happy that Mom helped me with the dishes.

Penne Arrabiata — I love the irony of serving “angry” pasta to my parents.

Thanksgiving — I made the full traditional spread, from turkey and dressing to homemade apple pie and ice cream. It’s my favorite meal of the year. No planning necessary.

Tortilla Soup — This is really nothing like the Taco Stew, which is mostly beans. It’s just a flavorful broth to spoon over avocados and chips and cheese.

Thai Basil Chicken — Delicious, but its only resemblance to the food of Thailand was the use of native basil.

Shrimp Curry — I made this meal with a can of Yeo’s Singapore Curry Gravy. Really good stuff when you’ve only got 45 minutes to make curry.

Lamb Ragoût — A brilliant success, which will likely make it into the regular dinner rotation in the future.

Ham and Mushroom Waffles — Again, this isn’t a repeat of my French-Toast-for-dinner meal. When you put Swiss cheese and buttermilk with ham and mushrooms and pour it all over cornmeal waffles, it’s dinnertime somewhere.

Chicken Marsala — Twenty-nine days into the month and I was just cooking on autopilot. I’m pretty sure I ate it, but I can’t remember.

Green Chicken Enchiladas — I finished the month with a lovely stacked enchilada done in the Crockpot, which is my favorite kitchen appliance, so it seemed a fitting way to end the month’s effort.

A freezer full of leftovers

If I learned anything from this month of cooking, it’s that I hate to do dishes. We’ve got to get one of those fancy dishwasher things … and a garbage disposal … and maybe one of those water sprayers for the sink. That would be nice. I also learned that I really only use two cookbooks. I’m not sure why I have all the others on the shelf, but I constantly refer to Solomon’s The Complete Asian Cookbook and Hazan’s The Classic Pasta Cookbook. Everything else is either one of Mom’s recipes or an improvisational masterpiece (or a parmesan-crusted disaster). Finally, and most unexpectedly, I found that I don’t really like to eat my cooking. I lost three pounds this month cooking something new every day, and I didn’t have three pounds to lose. I think this has to do with the fact that after shopping and prepping and cooking and tasting, I just am not interested in the meal when it gets to the table. I would love to hear if other people take this challenge and come to a similar conclusion. It could be the next diet phenomenon to sweep the nation — “cook more, eat less.”

But next time, someone else can do the dishes.

Kinda surreal. But it was a lot of fun, and I'm glad I had the opportunity. It's always neat to see how these things sometimes happen. No worries, I haven't quit my day job, but it was a fun little diversion.

Where Is Heather?

I was reading Snick's latest post, and she summed up how I feel right now, perfectly.

I'm all out of practice. I think part of the problem is that I have so much to blog about right now that I don't know where to start.

And that's me, too. I'm just too overloaded with things to share that I hardly know where to start. But I will be working to get caught back up soon. Part of it seems that I only have a certain number of posts in me per year. And since I posted (nearly) every day in November, I'd used up my posting quota, and nothing more could be posted.

So, please don't abandon me, like I've abandoned you. I will have some posts about past events mixed in with current events, but I expect you will have no trouble keeping up with me. The issue is much more of an issue the other direction.

Brief Return to Posting

I know I've been out of commission for a while. Soon enough, I will be back in regular mode, and I will explain what I've been doing for the last month. However, I just wanted to check in and thank the Iowa voters for jumbling up this presidential election season. For those of you that haven't seen the results yet, here's how things shook out last night.

On the Democratic side, Barack Obama came in first, with John Edwards second, and Hillary Clinton in third place. This is a beautiful jumble. On the Republican side of things, Mike Huckabee got the top spot, Mitt Romney came in second, and Fred Thompson in third. That's a crazy pile. I have to say that I love the fact that the two declared frontrunners (Clinton and Romney) did not win their respective caucuses. That's probably because I tend to root for the underdog, but I'll take it, regardless.

I know Iowa doesn't determine the nation's pulse, and this one primary doesn't mean that Obama and Huckabee will be the candidates, but it just bodes for a competitive primary season, and that makes me a happy camper. Now we just have to wait and see what New Hampshire does with the next phase of the race. Clinton and Romney are still expected to win there, but we'll just have to see.

Mixed Feelings And All That

I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that are expecting. I think it comes with the territory. I'm at that age where most of my friends are married and looking at that time of their life. I work at a company where the average employee age is right about 30. I have lots of cousins approaching their late 30's and feeling the need to rush, and a bunch more in their early- to mid-twenties, where you always just sort of wonder how careful they are being. And I read a surprising number of infertility blogs, considering we've received no such medical diagnosis.

And unlike Julie, in a post I read this afternoon, I don't generally want to hear these things first-hand in person. Unless I know you really well. I think this time in my company's history is a perfect time for me not to work in the main office, but safely in my quiet house away from all that (I know of 3 people expecting in a relatively small office). It's much better to get the IM from someone to the effect of "Guess whose wife is pregnant?", rather than to get blindsided by it in person. I actually dig for that information from all the known office gossips just before I have a scheduled visit back to Austin. That way I have time to get rid of my own baggage in private, so I can be genuinely happy for them. Or at least act like I'm genuinely happy for them. You should see all my scripts and talk to my director about the blocking for them. It's a big production sometimes.

It's easier for me with the people that I know are trying hard, like they somehow deserve it more than other people (congrats, Julie! and T!). I know, I know, life's not fair and things don't always come to the folks that deserve the good things the most. And it's mean of me not to be equally happy for everyone that's expecting. So then I hate myself for being selective with my genuine happiness. Thus, the mixed feelings.

I guess, unless we're really close, let me know electronically, so I have a chance to be mean and hateful or sad and depressed on my own and not inflict that on you and your happy news. In a couple of days I should be good and ready to be (mostly) truly happy for you. I want to be happy for you, so I will do my best to be such.

I'm a long way, today, from seven or eight years ago when my last contact from highschool called to let me know she was expecting. I was very much not in that place at that time, and I'd always considered us very similar (graduated at the top of our class, went to college in technical fields, married the month after graduation, skipped the master's and went straight into software companies). My immediate reaction was "Did you do that on purpose?" I took it back as soon as I said it, and we laugh about it today. Now, if she called to say she was expecting number three, I'd congratulater her and tell her how jealous I am of her stay-at-home-mom life.

A couple years back I had an acquaintance that announced to all her friends that she would have a baby by her anniversary (this was a month or two after the wedding). And, lo and behold, by the 6-month point she was announcing her first trimester was completed and would be having her baby right on schedule. I had trouble being happy for her with the control she seemed to be able to exert over her baby timing. It was never, particularly, a friendship, but all contact pretty much ended after that. I couldn't really even fake happy for her, very well. Again, the self-flagellation is in full swing (Ha!), and I know I'm not a very nice person for it.

And then, recently, I found out about another friend. She has a son with hemophilia (he's almost three and very healthy). She got pregnant again, had the baby tested, found he also had hemophilia and aborted the pregnancy. She's trying again via IVF to test for the gene before transfer. I don't really know how I feel about that course of action (for myself in her shoes, not as any judgement on her handling of that situation). I have cystic fibrosis in my family, so there is the possibility that I could be faced with a similar situation (assuming I'm willing to even test the fetus for the possibility). Deliver a child that I know will have a chronic and life-shortening disease or abort it and live with the "what ifs" for the rest of my life. What if they found a cure? What if the child was able to really live a meaningful life in that short time? What if that was my only chance to be a mother? I guess that makes me selfish, in addition to mean.

So, I'm conflicted. I don't want to be, and I try very hard to be happy for each and every one of you that finds yourself in the position I'd like to find myself in. I'd really appreciate a little tip ahead of the "p" word (sort of like a friend who started out the conversation by saying "You know how I've had the 'flu' for two weeks now?" -- just enough time to get there and prep myself a little before having to hear "pregnant"). That's just my own little need there. Everyone else's is different, I'm sure. But I got married really early, so my wedding invitation didn't cause you any of that "I wonder if I'll *ever* be sending one of these out?" angst. A little sensitivity to let me have my angst in private is all I ask.

Variety of Food, Day 30: Green Chicken Enchiladas

On the last day of this month of cooking, I contemplated making some elaborate feast. I thought about doing something amazing -- something that I wouldn't normally fix. And then I realized all my dishes are dirty and my kitchen is a disaster. So, instead I went with my old standby. A crockpot meal.

I don't think most people really understand my obsession with the crockpot. It is, far and away, my favorite kitchen appliance. The ice cream maker may not be far behind, but the crockpot is definitely first. I love the way that you can put a meal together and then forget about it. Then, when you come back into the kitchen you have these amazing smells, and you wonder when house elves moved in. Instead of a house elf, I have a crockpot. It has a green insert with an ivy pattern on the outside, which we got as a wedding gift nearly 10 years ago. I even wrote a haiku for mine.

Green and white vessel --
You create wonderful smells.
I love you, crockpot!

So, tonight, we had a crockpot meal. It may not sound fabulous, but I assure you it was.

Green Chicken Enchiladas
2 pounds chicken, cooked and chopped
1 tbsp oil
2 onions, 1 quartered, 1 chopped
2 cloves garlic, crushed
2 tsp cumin
28 oz verde sauce
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
12 corn tortillas
I tend to just brown the chicken lightly to cook it. I did that today. Then, put some oil in the pan and cook the chopped onion for 2-3 minutes. Add the garlic and cook another minute. Add the chopped chicken and the cumin and stir through. Remove from the heat. Blend the quartered onion and the green sauce like a crazy person. Then, assemble your enchilada casserole. Start with 1/2 cup of the sauce on the bottom of the insert. Then layer 4 of the tortillas, a third of the chicken mixture, and a third of the cheese. Repeat layers so you have three, and stop with the last of the chicken. Dump whatever sauce is left evenly over the whole thing and top with the last of the cheese. Cook on low for 7 hours.

Don't knock it until you've tried it. Good stuff.

And now it's time for a break. A long enough break to get the kitchen clean. I'm not expecting to cook again before June.

I kid. I've actually already been thinking of how I'll make this little exercise harder the next time I do it. I have some ideas, but we'll just have to see what shakes out. Thanks for taking this little journey with me.

Variety of Food, Day 29: Chicken Marsala

Tonight I'm pretty tired. So tired that in non-months-of-daily-cooking, I would have just eaten a little leftover something and gone to bed early. But, no, that's not an option on the 29th of the month in question. Tonight we had a favorite that re-reminded me that my husband and I have very different ideas of how many mushrooms is really enough.

Chicken Marsala
1 pound chicken breasts
4 tbsp butter
2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion
8 oz sliced mushrooms
1/2 cup marsala wine
1 cup chicken broth
salt and pepper
Salt and pepper the chicken breasts. Heat two tablespoons of the butter and the olive oil in a large frying pan over a medium high heat. Brown the chicken breasts on each side, but don't cook them until done, just brown. Remove to a plate, and add the onions and mushrooms to the oil in the pan. Cook until the liquid the mushrooms give off is evaporated. Add the marsala, and reduce by half. Add the chicken broth and the chicken from the plate, along with any juices that have collected. Turn the heat to medium and simmer gently for 10 minutes, until the chicken is done. Remove the chicken to your serving plate. Boil the onions, mushrooms, and associated juices to have them reduce a little more. Remove from the heat and add the other two tablespoons of butter and stir that in. Salt and pepper to taste.

We ate this over whole wheat spaghetti and some steamed broccoli. And now Heather is tired and is going to bed.

Variety of Food, Day 28: Ham, Mushroom and Cheese Waffles

Tonight's meal was a lesson in how forgiving some recipes really can be. It's comforting, really, after all this cooking to have it firmly implanted how little precision really is necessary. I made an old family favorite for no other reason than I had the ingredients in the house. Well, most of the ingredients, and I faked the rest.

Ham, Mushroom and Cheese Sauce
3 tbsp butter
3 tbsp flour
1 can evaporated milk (or a pint of buttermilk, if that's what you have)
1 cup swiss cheese (or 2 cups, if you happen to have ounce conversion issues for the moment)
1 cup sliced mushrooms
1 cup diced ham
Melt the butter in a saucepan over high eat. Add the flour and stir together. Pour in the milk slowly, stirring constantly. Add the cheese and let it melt. Add the mushrooms and ham and heat through. Serve over cornmeal waffles.

Cornmeal Waffles
2 eggs
1 3/4 cups milk
1 cup flour
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tbsp sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup cornmeal
5 tbsp melted butter
Beat the eggs and milk together. Combine the dry ingredients and add them to the liquid ones, mixing with a few swift strokes (don't overstir!!). Use a few more strokes to add in the butter. Cook on a waffle griddle until done.

Of course, waffles are more fun to make on a 100-year-old cast-iron waffle iron. I know, blah, cast-iron bad for you, blah, blah. It makes phenomenal waffles, so don't make me give it up!