300...Eh

The folks have raved and raved -- 300 is (apparently) the best movie out there. It's done well at the box office, and people are talking about it. Heck, I'm writing about it here. I'm doing this, though, as a public service to you, my readers. Ignore the hype.

If you like plot and character development and touching moments, don't go see this movie. If you like blood and shiny things, feel free to spend your money -- or go see a jewelry store and hang out in an emergency room.

The whole point of this movie is gratuitousness. Gratuitous voiceovers, gratuitous nudity, gratuitous gore, gratuitous monster makeup, and gratuitous use of the slow-motion camera. I was so underwhelmed by a movie that just tried too hard to be The Matrix. Sorry -- this one is no ground-breaking film. And if they'd just made the slow-motion parts go in full speed, I'd have lost a half-hour less of my life.

Consider yourself warned.