I wanna know who came up with the idea that stretchy jeans would be such a great fashion thing for women. This idea has become so pervasive that it's hard to even find jeans that don't use this hybrid demin-spandex material. I think that is bad, and I demand my non-stretchy jeans options back!
But women look so hot in those tight-fitting jeans and I like to look at their butts crammed into them, you say? I disagree (and I do like to admire jean butts -- though generally male ones -- so let me tell you why).
When stretchy jeans are put on, fresh out of the dryer, they fit great. One might even say they fit like a glove (though people wear those on their hands, not their butts, so I've never really understood that cliche). But, after about 6 minutes of moving around in them, they get stretched out. Like a really old pair of underwear whose elastic has been through the washer and dryer so many times that it has degraded to having nearly no springbackability left, and you're left with your underwear around your ankles.
Once this occurs, you are left with an entire day (or evening or whatever) of constantly pulling your pants up. And that's attractive, let me tell you. Or you could avoid that pitfall, and just have female plumber's butt. Male plumber's butt is worse, but the female version is no walk in the park. Especially if the female in question is wearing the kind of underwear described above.
So, give me back my straightforward jeans made out of real denim with no strechiness included. And if you're interested in finding used HIAHS stretchy jeans, they should be available at your local Goodwill in a couple of days.
The Monk of Mokha by Dave Eggers
2 months ago