A Little Bit Lost

I just wish I knew whether this is the getting worse before it gets better part of the separation, or the beginning of the end.

Either way, it sucks.

Friday Random Ten

"Work" by Jars of Clay* on Good Monsters
"Out Of This World" by Michael W. Smith* on Change Your World
"More To This Life" by Stephen Curtis Chapman on The Live Adventure
"Peace (A Communion Blessing from St. Joseph's Square)" by Rich Mullins* on A Liturgy, A Legacy, & A Ragamuffin Band
"Stay Out Of My Arms" by George Strait on Easy Come Easy Go
"Being Boring" by Pet Shop Boys on Discography: The Complete Singles Collection
"The Dream" by Mannheim Steamroller on Fresh Aire IV
"The Big Wheel (Squeeze Box Shuffle)" by Clifton Chenier on Zydeco Essentials
"Can't Get There From Here" by R.E.M. on Eponymous
"Spider's Fence" by Trout Fishing In America* on Truth Is Stranger Than Fishin'

It does seem that there should be more to this life than work. I have just been boring for so long and I can't get interesting from here. Perhaps I can find peace in my dreams where I hang out by the big wheel on the spider's fence (as long as they stay out of my arms).

* Acts I've seen live

Friday Random Ten

"I Gotta Get a Fake I.D." by Barnes & Barnes on Dr. Demento 25th Anniversary Collection
"Ode To My Family" by The Cranberries on No Need To Argue
"Hi-Rollers Theme/Low Rider" by Beau Jocque & The Zydeco Hi-Rollers on Zydeco Essentials
"Piano Sonata #14 in C Minor" by Mozart, played by Peter Katin on Mozart: Piano Sonatas
"Callin' Baton Rouge" by Garth Brooks on The Hits
"Step By Step" by Rich Mullins* on The World As Best As I Remember It, Vol. 1
"The Thrill Is Gone" by B.B. King on The Best of the Blues
"I'll Save You All My Kisses" by Dead Or Alive on Rip It Up
"Blind Hearts" by Xymox on Twist Of Shadows
"Forest" by PFR* on Pray For Rain

When this set started with a song about a fake ID, I could tell we were in for a retro day. By the end, I felt 15 again. Or maybe that's just the lack of sleep causing a general regression to being a younger, more annoying version of myself. Hard to tell.

* Acts I've seen live

Friday Random Ten

"A Prayer" by Madeleine Peyroux on Dreamland
"Sweet Sixteen" by B.B. King on Live At The Apollo
"Ooo Baby Baby" by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles on Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
"Something Going On" by When In Rome on When In Rome
"Let It Rain" by Newsboys on Going Public
"Remember Who You Are" by Geoff Moore & The Distance* on A Friend Like U
"Prayer" by Petra on Beyond Belief
"Big In Japan" by Alphaville on The Singles Collection
"Plenty" by Sarah McLachlan on Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
"My Favorite Memory" by Merle Haggard on His Epic Hits: The First Eleven

That's a great way to start into a weekend. I'm ready!

* Acts I've seen live

The Number 400

Having started this blog journey on October 6, 2005, it only took me 1297 days to complete the first 400 posts. That's an average of a new post every 3.2 days. I'm no high-volume Nellie, but it's nothing to sneeze at, either. Honestly, I'm surprised that 3+ years out, I'm still doing this.

I want to thank my readers out there (all three of you!) for continuing to come back after my various hiati (hiatuses didn't look right). I appreciate you.

Saturday Random Ten

Okay, I know. I'm late posting this. Yesterday was one of those crazy days at work where, not only didn't I have a moment to breathe, afterwards I was too fried to do anything else for the day. All of this to say, here's the Saturday edition of the FRT!

"Morningside" by Neil Diamond on The Essential Neil Diamond
"COncerto No. 1 in E flat" by Franz Liszt on Favourite Piano Concertos
"Eve" by California Guitar Trio on Cg3+2
"Do You Love Me" from Fiddler on the Roof soundtrack
"She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain" by Peter Wernick on Bluegrass Essentials
"Senor Toro" by Hewlitt Crist on The Rio Grande Songs II
"Horn Concerto No. 4 in E flat Major" by Amadeus Mozart, played by Dennis Brain on Mozart: Horn Concertos No. 3
"Seasons of the Heart" by John Denver on The Very Best of John Denver
"Desiree" by Neil Diamond on The Essential Neil Diamond
"When You Say Nothing At All" by Alison Krauss on Now That I've Found You: A Collection

Very calm little collection here. I guess my heart rate is about as low as it can been now in time for my long run. Either that, or iTunes is trying to compensate for the day I had yesterday.

* Acts I've seen live

Recommended: A Place Without A Postcard

I'd never read the novel of someone I know. Short stories, sure. Poems, sure. Blog posts, certainly. But never a whole novel, bound and sold through an actual retailer. And, while I haven't actually met James, I feel like I know him after the mutual reading of blogs and sharing of the experiences of greyhound ownership and Philippine living. As a result, I was a bit nervous to read this book and then to write about it. What if it turns out to be a dud? How do I write that, when it's quite likely the author would read the review? With all this concern, it's clear I do not have the stones to be a critic for a living.

Good thing I liked the book.

The story in A Place Without A Postcard is about a tabloid photographer who is in an accident and wakes up to find himself wanted for the murder of a police officer but no memory of why, or even who he is. And he's blind, to boot. Since the story is told from his point of view, the setting and the interactions are described through the other senses.

While parts of the story are unlikely occurrences, even in west Texas, I did find out the root of the name of his blog. But the most exciting part was a visceral reaction to the narrative. After I finished reading and put the book down, I found my sensory perception of the world heightened, if only for a day or two. It was kinda surreal, but very neat. And when a book can make you see the world differently, that can only be good.

Thoughts on the New Year

I really wanted to write a good ring-in-the-new-year post. One of those that looks back at the completed 2008 fondly and looks forward to the new 2009 with hope and excitement. Except I couldn't do it. I'd rather just pretend the day never happened, and that I'm suspended in 200x. Time will resume when I know what's going on.

Marking a new year is supposed to be a time for resolutions and planning. At least that's always how I've used it. Unfortunately, at this particular calendar page turn, I can't really set goals very far into the future. I have decided to do a half-marathon in February, but after that, things get a bit hazy. At least I know that the end of 2009 will be more settled than the end of 2008. I don't know what it will look like, but I won't be in transitional housing and I will be able to move forward. I'll either be single (or in the process of a divorce) or I'll be reconciled, but it will nice to be out of limbo.

I just have an over-developed planning gene, and I can't use it. Actually, that's not completely true. I have been running through possible scenarios for the future so much over the last couple of weeks that I'm all trained up for the thirteen miles next month. I just have to work through the possible scenarios in my head, so I can know how to deal with them if/when they come up. One of my favorite defense mechanisms is having decisions made ahead of time, so I can have my response all planned up. Otherwise the stress of the surprise is paralyzing. I hate being caught off-guard with bad news, so the vast majority of the scenarios are the worst possible things I can think could happen. Something about knowing how I would handle those things allows me to know that I could handle them, and that makes them easier. So, the converse is that if I haven't thought about it ahead of time, when the bad-thing-I-never-imagined happens, then I'm not sure I can make it through it. Wow. It sounds really pathetic when I explain it that way. Conveniently, I feel pretty pathetic these days.

So, while I don't want to talk about the separation, I also don't have the drive to write about much else. You've probably noticed I never got around to the stories of the roommate interviews or the encounters with/observations of people on the bus. It's not because they were't interesting. It's more because I would type up one line of post, and then I couldn't make myself type any more than that, and it's hard to tell a story in one sentence or less. I have been writing a lot in my personal "journal", just nothing I can really post here at this time.

I hope you all had less conflicted and complicated new year's transitions.

Facebook

I have finally succumbed to the peer pressure and joined the pile of people on Facebook. Huh. "Succumbed" really looked wrong, but apparently I spelled it right anyway. Ahem.

So, I made a Facebook page, and friended lots of people, and then came to another realization. While I have figured out how to have the "Yes, I'm still in the office. GB and I separated," conversation and strugging off the "Well, at least you don't have kids," or "I'm so sorry," line with the requisite head tilt, I hadn't quite planned on the electronic commenting about the subject. I still go back and forth between just being straightforward about it, and trying to avoid the topic because I don't feel like doing the (now) standard back-and-forth.

It was fun trying to make my profile reflect that I'm living in Austin but that my home is in Santa Barbara. And you can't imagine the waffling that went into setting my marital status.

My electronic existence is now larger. I'm ambivalent about that, but I do know I still prefer the blog to the one-line updates on people.

Friday Random Ten

"Desert Dream" by Hewlett Crist on The Rio Grande Songs II
"Soul" by Sixpence None The Richer on The Fatherless & The Widow
"Hooked On Polkas" by Weird Al Yankovic* on Dare To Be Stupid
"Calling Out Your Name" by Rich Mullins* on The World As Best As I Remember It
"Trust" by Sixpence None The Richer on The Fatherless & The Widow
"Horn Concerto No. 2 in E Flat Magor" by Dennis Brain on Mozart: The Horn Concertos
"Growing Young" by Rich Mullins* on The World As Best As I Remember It
"Magical Lasso" by Andrew Lloyd Webber on The Phantom of the Opera
"The Rose" by Bette Midler on Experience The Divine
"Pied Piper" by Stand on Never Say Dinosaur

Not sure what to say, except that I'm really glad the whole pile was mellow. I really wasn't up for this group being too peppy.

* Acts I've seen live